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The views of a reluctant atheist, forged in the furnace of doubt

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Response to ‘Religion Beat Became a Test of Faith’

Your column … resonated with me because I find myself at the same spiritual crossroad. Having been raised to believe in a just God, my faith was shaken when my husband and I lost our ten-year-old child to Cystic Fibrosis, a congenital disease for which there is no cure.We felt betrayed that a loving God could bring such pain to parents who lived by the Golden Rule and followed the Ten Commandments. As we coped with our grief, we couldn’t help but wonder why our love for our child wasn’t enough to keep her alive and why our faith wasn’t bringing us any comfort.After losing another child to the same illness, we came to the conclusion that we were naïve to believe in the Sunday School version of a deity that sits in a place called heaven and doles out rewards for good behavior and punishment for bad. We have only to look at world events and know this isn’t true.

So, who to pray to? An impersonal deity who lets bad things happen to good people? We still haven’t figured that out. But it is difficult to abandon a life-long belief. As spiritual beings our souls cry out for something to fill the vacuum. I’ve even considered going back to church in the hope of recapturing that leap of faith, but, as you so eloquently stated, “there’s no faking your faith if you’re honest about the state of your soul.”

9 Comments

9 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Martin Brower // Jan 1, 2008 at 1:34 am

    Hello, Bill,
    The myths of each religion are jst that, myths, but in most cases they work to make the world a better place. And when someone tells me that he/she doesn’t believe in God, I ask “What God don’t you believe in?” Most don’t believe in a bearded man sitting on a throne in Heaven, but it is hard to feel that there is no force in the world.

    Martin Brower

  • 2 tay and ris // Jan 2, 2008 at 5:59 am

    the big kahuna in da house

  • 3 Linda K. // Jan 9, 2008 at 7:19 pm

    You need a section on here called “Upcoming Appearances” or such. Like the upcoming appearance for Atheists United at CFI-West on January 27, 2008, at 11 am. : )

  • 4 Wendy Leece // Jan 13, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    Bill,
    When I read Tony’s column I was sort of “in shock” for lack of a better term.
    But I am praying for you, and I will continue to do so. I don’t think this is the end of your story, dear friend.

  • 5 Edward T. Babinski // Jan 25, 2008 at 1:36 am

    I edited a collection of 3 dozen first person testimonies, LEAVING THE FOLD: TESTIMONIES OF FORMER FUNDAMENTALISTS. And I keep up with the latest news about people who have left the fold. The topic is so “hot” right now that a number of scholars have come out with books on the subject of either leaving church, leaving the fold, leaving fundamentalism, leaving Christianity, or disenchantment with Evangelicalism (a Harvard prof’s book on the last named topic will soon be out). I also know of a number of ex-missionaries, ex-seminarians, and ex-ministers. If you’d like more info please feel free to contact me: edbabinski {at] gmail {dot] com

  • 6 Sheila // Jan 27, 2008 at 5:14 am

    I’m looking forward to hearing you speak tomorrow at Atheists United. Hope to see more on this web site in the future. Good luck with your memoir.

  • 7 Archives // Mar 9, 2008 at 10:02 am

    […] testimonies […]

  • 8 Wendi // May 22, 2008 at 10:50 am

    I usually browse through the OC Metro over coffee and never remember a lot of what I’ve read… your story stayed with me, not because I agreed or disagreed or because I saw right or wrong only the perfection in losing the illusion of faith or a belief resides in something outside of you, that is all that can be lost.

    Almost like someone loosing all their money in the stock market… they have not stop exsisting or breathing, they have just lost their false sense of security in something that could never give them that feeling of security in the first place.

    Looking for it everywhere on the outside as something to hold onto, to prove there was a reason to believe can only end in disappointment… although I experienced this in a different way, not in the context of religion the result was the same. The only place left to look for the belief and faith was in me and I say that meaning it is bigger than me but it cannot be defined or contained within a church or a group of people. It is a deep knowing that is personal and cannot be lost. I hope you experience this perfect new beginning in your journey of faith :0)

  • 9 Webmdave // May 31, 2008 at 4:29 am

    I can’t wait to read your book! I hope it’s a best seller.

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